queenofzan: (Default)
I don't know if I've ever been this comfortable in my own life before. It's interesting, feeling like I've been waiting all my life to be right here, right now, living in a residence hall with a bunch of nutty teenaged girls and a stressed out music major roommate, getting up at eight o clock to walk across the street and learn American history, and then go out with my family for dinner almost every night, and sit in my room and read for class and fool around on the internet and eat oranges.

I don't want to be somewhere else. I don't spend all my time thinking about how much better things would be if I lived in Wisconsin/Arizona/not with my mom, or if only I could say something to Jazlin/Josejuan/whatever J name person I'm crushing on this week, or if I could just get some work done, or if my classes were less boring. I'm totally content right here, doing what I'm doing. It's kind of a first for me, and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

Other than forcing myself to write, which is increasingly difficult to do, along with reading, because I see no reason to get away from the real world. I've never had trouble reading, for crying out loud, because it was always better to be somewhere else. And now it's not, and that's weird.

Not bad, of course, but weird. Very different. I think I could get used to it.

(and I've been doing a pretty good job, for me, of ignoring the voice in the back of my head that says it's all going to implode sooner or later, because things are going too well. Pretty good. Not perfect.)
queenofzan: (Default)
Dear Jerk Boy,

A: why the FUCK would you do that? Who seriously does that? After I have told you that yes, I am in fact deathly afraid that you are going to come to your senses, realize I'm a horrible person and that you don't like me, and run skipping off into the sunset with probably that crazy bitch or something--after I have told you this, you think it's a good idea to pretend to break it off? Um. NO. As far as really ill-advised jokes go, this kind of takes the cake.

B: I forgot what I was going to write about B because A made me angry and crying all over again. I am seriously still shaking. It's been like an hour. I was crying in public. Don't. Just don't.

C: I remembered what B was going to be! It was going to be whyyyy do we have to have big serious talks about things now? It's been like a month. ...a month and a half. WHATEVER MY POINT IS OH MY GOD DON'T START THESE CONVERSATIONS WITH THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRY WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO

ETA: Oh yeah actually B was going to be something along the lines of Thanks for ruining my concentration for the rest of the night. You know, I was actually getting some writing done before you SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

A note: I am going to murder him tomorrow before class. So, like, if you don't hear from me for a while, assume I was caught and taken to prison.
queenofzan: (Default)
Two points of order:

One: Does anyone remember a Supernatural fic where the boys investigated some mysterious poltergeist-like activity in a housing development, and then it turned out the builder had been sacrificing kids and putting them in the walls and their crazy vengeful spirits is what was plaguing the people in the houses? It was super good and creepy and (I don't think) shippy at all, and I can't fiiiiiiind it. :/

Two: boys.

That is all.

Except for this show I just saw )

RIGHT NOW

Oct. 15th, 2009 09:49 pm
queenofzan: (Default)
I have a boyfriend.

I got a good grade on all my exams so far.

I still have plenty of money.

I need to start drawing up a birthday list for my birthday, because apparently this year is a big deal to my parents? I'm sorry, guys, all I care about is being able to vote. Seriously, what else is 18 good for?

I sewed nearly a whole dress this week. But then the skirt was hard and I had other things to do today, so I didn't work on it at all.

I got a haircut and it is cute.
my hair is cute
queenofzan: (Dude.)
So I have a funny story about perseverance and putting yourself out there and romance and everything, but you know what? It's a ridiculous story anyway, and it all boils down to:

My life is utterly fucking crazy.

Upside of this is that I kind of have a boyfriend now. And also that I am really liking college! Today, I got offered free bananas by a girl on my floor I don't really know (I think her name is Melissa?) just because she had them on her smoothie and doesn't like them and I had my door open. Madness.

College. Yes.

In non-school related news: I fucking love the new Kill Hannah album (Wake Up The Sleepers). It's, um, killing me with awesome. So did Legally Blonde (the musical) which I saw over the weekend and now own the soundtrack to.

Not awesome, though, is me losing my freaking contact boxes so I don't know what to order ughghghgfffffffuuuuuu
queenofzan: (Dude.)
Second day at college very long. Hung out with a bunch of people I knew from high school, who introduced me to their new friends and then left us together. It was pretty okay. Saw a great improv show. Met someone else from my building who is amazing and great (but not on my floor).

Still have a sore throat, but I'm coping.

My roommate is super nice. We haven't had any problems so far (except she is a Coke drinker and I am a Pepsi drinker, so we have our own little Cola War going on), and she and Lamar have sort of made friends, which is good. He'll probably be spending a lot of time here.

Oh! Lamar moved in today. He lives way the fuck across campus, despite having a schedule remarkably similar to mine--you know, with classes across the street from me. Well, that's his problem.

The shower was okay. The water, instead of only being one, too-hot temperature, constantly fluctuated. Whatever. I'm used to uncomfortable showers now.

The girl next door to me is nice--Lia. Plays the guitar. Started with "Don't Fear the Reaper." Made a point of saying hi when she saw me at the Luau. (There was a Luau.)

Tomorrow are our orientations for everything (nine to five asklkfdjsfdkj and then I get to run back to my room and grab my bowling ball and hop in the car) and they're required for everyone. So I will get to see Jesse! Who Lamar tells me broke up with his girlfriend. I hope this is true. I also hope it doesn't make me a bad person that I started dancing when I heard one of my best friends had broken up with their significant other. :/

I don't have any books to read right now, and my refund got sent to my house instead of my bank account. I have like a dollar twenty for now.

COLLEGE. I'M HERE. It's, um, okay so far?
queenofzan: (Default)
Ordinarily, I would feel smug about totally being right.

However, in this case, the reality sucks so much I'm not even up to feeling superior to everyone else.

I really shouldn't be so used to this that I can know approximately when/how it's going to happen. THE WORLD IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO FALL APART AROUND ME, OKAY? Because it annoys me.

Also, whenever I cry, my contacts get all screwed up, and my choices are either wear screwed up contacts or wear my smudgy, annoying glasses that fall down my face all the time. :/

ps. ahaha i wish my icon were telling the truth
queenofzan: (Default)
I had a really great day. A really, really great day. See, this is what happens when you wear an Indiana Jones-style adventuring hat. Good things happen.

Good random makeouts happen.

...Well, random is probably stretching it. For that matter, so is makeout. I mean, I don't think a year and a half of Will They or Won't They and SnapBack buildup is really random. Still, it felt random at the time. And freakin' sweet.

In other news, I have done no writing at all since Monday! Though I do have a random subplot rattling around my head...for which there is no story. Why do I have a subplot and no main plot? Usually, it is the other way around. But that is slightly more useful. I mean, what can I do with just a subplot? NOT A LOT.

In yet more other news, tonight's episode of Saturday Night Live was actually mildly amusing. Wow!

Also, I love e.e. cummings. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Have for a while now.

Also also: I am now a senior. Part of me wants to be like WOOHOO, and part of me is wondering why the hell I'm not out of high school yet. Though given how fast this last year went...(What do you mean it's May?)

I reiterate, however! A good day. A really, amazingly good day that I'm sure will crash down around my ears in a few days/weeks. Oh well. At least I can enjoy it for now, eh?

p.s. let's all pretend I didn't lapse into trope there in the middle, shall we?
queenofzan: (Default)
So I am rereading [livejournal.com profile] shoebox_project and I am once again reminded that a: I am Remus and 2: I am rocks.

And I know rocks.

And I know no one who isn't rocks.

I still just don't see what I did to piss off the universe so that I come so close to ridiculous happiness so often, only to juuuuust miss it every single time.

Also! I know exactly what I want in life, but I have no ideas how to get it. Well, I have ideas, but none of them are exactly workable, due to family obligations, by which I mean the fact that I am poorer than most kinds of dirt. Not Phoenix dirt, that dirt is pretty damn poor, particularly nutrient-wise, but then, I am just barely less poor than it.

Ahahaha has this hole been there the whole time and I am merely good at ignoring it or is it honestly not there most of the time and I am only being melodramatic? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW.
queenofzan: (Default)
Having trouble posting chapter three. Working on it.

In other news, I hate girls. Again. Still. Whatever.
queenofzan: (Default)
Girls are making me happy right now. This is largely because of the spaztic way my wfey has been acting. Yesterday I was despondent because she is RETARDED AND SADISTIC and today I was giddily incoherent all evening because she seems to have no problem with me kissing her.

YES I AM LAME IT'S BEEN LIKE SEVEN MONTHS I'VE BEEN AFTER THIS GIRL GIVE ME A BREAK.

I am surprisingly ready for NaNo. It is weirding me out a little. I have a title, a plan, most of an outline, organization, and I have arrangements that mean I don't have to handwrite it this year. While this does mean I shall be posting it here (Chapter at a time under a cut and f-locked), it also means that I'm not totally unprepared for something important to me. V. strange.

There was something else I was going to say, but I have no idea what it is. OH WELL I GUESS I CAN JUST GIVE A SHORT SUMMARY OF MY NANO THIS YEAR. I warn you: it is fairly cracktastic.

Anyway. A jealous physicist accidentally causes a transdimensional hurricane trying to impress the pretty lady physicist he works with. This causes the youngish artist protagonist to be tossed haphazardly through some of the dimension/alternate universe thingies closest to his. In some of these, he and his brother are an item, or sometimes just making out once in a while. Needless to say, this weirds him out. So the book is about physics, choices, and incest. Oh, and making out with yourself. I mean, would you really not take the chance if you had it? Ford would, evidently. (He also seduces himself BUT I TOTALLY DID NOT MENTION THAT KAY)
queenofzan: (Default)
REPENT! REPENT! FLOSS OFTEN!

AIIIIIIIRQUAAAAKE!

I am so gay. Gay for you!

Hee hee. Visa-versa.

There's a screen door on my submarine and I don't know why I'm drowning.

Incest! A COUCH!

I think we need to go play a violent game of Paintball. Or mini-golf. Whichever.

I'm not funny, I'm conceptually misunderstood.

And: I love you. I really do. Even though I cal you stupid all the time, and make it out to everyone else that you're a horrible person I'm ashamed to know and like, I'm not. I really love knowing you and I really miss hanging out with you and talking on the phone. This entry is pretty much all about you, even if you might not realize it. I don't know what I would do without you, or how I would have survived the last three years without knowing you were there if I needed you. So thanks. I miss you so much, and I laugh almost everytime I hear from you, and that's a very good thing. I know you've helped me get over some bad times, and I've done my best to do the same, and even if I hardly hear from you and we're thousands of miles apart, I don't feel like we're growing away from each other. And, as immature as you are, you've helped me mature, so maybe I was sapping all your maturity. Somehow, though, I doubt it, 'cause you matured (a little) while I wasn't paying attention. I really love you.

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