maybe several things

I feel like these five individuals are teaching me more about writing than all of the classes I am taking right now are teaching me about everything else.

I feel like I should take notes on everything they ever say.

I do have to wonder, though, why I have kept so much of the beginning of Silver Chain the same when it has always been the weakest and most obviously conceived before I was in high school. Totally got called out on that tonight, haha.

Also wonder why I constantly analyze the shit out of the tv I watch to the point of annoying everyone around me, but I don’t usually analyze literature unless it’s for a class or I’ve read it like a million times. It’s starting to be an issue with regards to crit group.

This might be one of the most stressful parts of my week, but I feel like it’s the part that will be the most important later in life. With the possible exception of learning the Spanish language (because hello how could that not be important to me?).

So tonight, I went to play Fugitive with what was largely my residential complex and a church group (?) because the cute girl upstairs (Jeanna) asked me to. My friend Lexi from down the hall came along, and we played through two rounds of that, which was fun, and then decided to get yogurt. So we walked to MoJo's, which was great, although I had to pay because she had left her wallet in her room. We're sitting there, eating delicious frozen yogurt, and we decide it would be great to go to the movies, although again, I would have to pay. So we got on the bus and saw When In Rome, which was a really cute rom-com, though the ending could have used a little tightening up. Then, since it was so late the buses had stopped running, my wonderful cousin monkeeness came to get us and drove us back to the dorm. While we waited, we played DDR and Pac-Man, and found an abandoned Harkins souvenir cup.

Perhaps here I should mention that I really like Lexi and if I ever did break up with Jesse I would totally go to Lexi. Which she offered tonight. Before she told me I was a terrific date.

So that is the story of my awesome accidental date with a girl who is definitely not my boyfriend.

I don't know if I've ever been this comfortable in my own life before. It's interesting, feeling like I've been waiting all my life to be right here, right now, living in a residence hall with a bunch of nutty teenaged girls and a stressed out music major roommate, getting up at eight o clock to walk across the street and learn American history, and then go out with my family for dinner almost every night, and sit in my room and read for class and fool around on the internet and eat oranges.

I don't want to be somewhere else. I don't spend all my time thinking about how much better things would be if I lived in Wisconsin/Arizona/not with my mom, or if only I could say something to Jazlin/Josejuan/whatever J name person I'm crushing on this week, or if I could just get some work done, or if my classes were less boring. I'm totally content right here, doing what I'm doing. It's kind of a first for me, and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

Other than forcing myself to write, which is increasingly difficult to do, along with reading, because I see no reason to get away from the real world. I've never had trouble reading, for crying out loud, because it was always better to be somewhere else. And now it's not, and that's weird.

Not bad, of course, but weird. Very different. I think I could get used to it.

(and I've been doing a pretty good job, for me, of ignoring the voice in the back of my head that says it's all going to implode sooner or later, because things are going too well. Pretty good. Not perfect.)

This only scratches the surface of all the shit I'm feeling right now. (hi dad, hi gramma, sorry about my mouth, I get it from you guys)

So I'm getting an arts degree. Like, not two hours ago I had my interview to be officially admitted to the theatre department for a b.a. I love art. I draw, and I act, and I sew, and I love to make things and use things to reflect the world around me and sometimes just be pretty. I love it. Music and visual art and performance art, I don't understand how people could ever live without them and say they think they don't matter. I just don't get it. They're important.

But at the same time, I love science. I love it. I just...biology and chemistry and physics, they make sense, they put things in order, and I think they're more beautiful just by virtue of being true than almost any art I've ever seen. I mean, art is pretty. It's nice to look at. Really good art moves me. But science...science always moves me. I mean, I get weepy to speeches from like Carl Sagan and Richard Feynman. I do. It's a little ridiculous.

And I feel a little torn, because art people and science people are totally opposite, both in viewpoint and physically (at least on this campus I mean really they're like fifteen minutes away walking) and never the twain shall meet. And I'm sitting here explaining evolution and shit to my theatre friends, and they are all looking at me like I'm crazy because the only other thing I get so passionate about is Pokemon grammar. I feel like the mixed kid from the fifties, part of both worlds but not really allowed in either.

Because damn, those sciencey kids look at you like you're stupid when you tell them you're studying theatre. They look betrayed, like "Oh, I thought you were one of us". I don't know.

MY POINT IS ALL MY THEATRE FRIENDS HAVE SPENT THE LAST WEEK BITCHING ABOUT THEIR SCIENCE REQUIREMENTS AND I WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED I COULDN'T TAKE MINE THIS SEMESTER.

I have a boyfriend.

I got a good grade on all my exams so far.

I still have plenty of money.

I need to start drawing up a birthday list for my birthday, because apparently this year is a big deal to my parents? I'm sorry, guys, all I care about is being able to vote. Seriously, what else is 18 good for?

I sewed nearly a whole dress this week. But then the skirt was hard and I had other things to do today, so I didn't work on it at all.

I got a haircut and it is cute.

So, I'm sitting in my room after my German class, typing up some writing so I can retire this notebook and get on with the real work, and I'm really hitting my stride. I go through all this stuff, edit as I go, and manage to get "in the zone".

I look up and suddenly see the time. It is 4 o'clock exactly.

I have a class at 4:10.

On the exact opposite side of campus.

Until today, I had never gotten there in under fifteen.

I thought about not going, but today happened to be our first exam, so I kind of had to. I got there just as the professor was handing out the tests. I was very sweaty, out of breath, and my calves hurt something fierce from the powerwalking/running, but I breezed through the test and was out in ten minutes.

Out...into the heat and facing the fifteen minute walk back across campus.

D'oh.

Second day at college very long. Hung out with a bunch of people I knew from high school, who introduced me to their new friends and then left us together. It was pretty okay. Saw a great improv show. Met someone else from my building who is amazing and great (but not on my floor).

Still have a sore throat, but I'm coping.

My roommate is super nice. We haven't had any problems so far (except she is a Coke drinker and I am a Pepsi drinker, so we have our own little Cola War going on), and she and Lamar have sort of made friends, which is good. He'll probably be spending a lot of time here.

Oh! Lamar moved in today. He lives way the fuck across campus, despite having a schedule remarkably similar to mine--you know, with classes across the street from me. Well, that's his problem.

The shower was okay. The water, instead of only being one, too-hot temperature, constantly fluctuated. Whatever. I'm used to uncomfortable showers now.

The girl next door to me is nice--Lia. Plays the guitar. Started with "Don't Fear the Reaper." Made a point of saying hi when she saw me at the Luau. (There was a Luau.)

Tomorrow are our orientations for everything (nine to five asklkfdjsfdkj and then I get to run back to my room and grab my bowling ball and hop in the car) and they're required for everyone. So I will get to see Jesse! Who Lamar tells me broke up with his girlfriend. I hope this is true. I also hope it doesn't make me a bad person that I started dancing when I heard one of my best friends had broken up with their significant other. :/

I don't have any books to read right now, and my refund got sent to my house instead of my bank account. I have like a dollar twenty for now.

COLLEGE. I'M HERE. It's, um, okay so far?

Okay, finished a shirt, got two masks in Majora's Mask, bought the supplies to finish Sydney's cape, set up direct deposit for my financial aid, and officially established communication with my roommate. If I can stay this productive for the next few days (weeks, months, years?), I'll be in good shape.

Man, in two weeks I am going to move into my dorm and I will have to leave behind my babies. What will I do without a dog and three cats? That's like, the perfect balance of animals! They're so soft and obnoxious and cute and shed on everything! What will I do without them, besides be TERRIBLY TERRIBLY LONELY?

I REFUSE TO WRITE SOMETHING INTELLIGENT.

Because if so, it would be blah blah blah college blah blah blah Academic Decathalon blah blah blah writing blah blah blah girls.

Terribly boring.

SO INSTEAD I SAY TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I'LL HAVE YOU ON YOUR BACK SO FAST YOU'LL THINK YOU'RE ON A DATE. And also She's horrible! Emphasis on the "whore".