maybe several things

So I wasn't aware this was going to happen, but this has apparently turned into the summer of concerts for me. I think the biggest factor in this was the fact that I was in Milwaukee for Summerfest, could get to Summerfest, and cared about music, things that have never managed to overlap before in my life.

( The concerts: Cage the Elephant, Weird Al, B-52s, Joan Jett, Three Beers 'Til Dubuque, An Awful Band Of Which I Will Not Speak, Katzenjammer, DEVO )

Also this summer: books. I've read so many books this summer. It's very nice. I went through Sophie's whole Neil Gaiman collection (two books were short story collections, which make me happier than most things), all of Transmetropolitan, the Ocarina of Time manga, the comic adaption of Neverwhere, the Zombie Survival Guide, the Illustrated Outbreaks comic, several Georgia Nicholson books, The Giver, a short book of captioned illustrations by Edward Gorey, and am currently working my way through Pretty in Punk, about girls' gender resistance in the punk movement.

Also also this summer: markers. Sophie's mom had a bunch of old Prismacolor markers from her school days, and gifted them to Sophie, who has allowed me to use them while I'm here. Most of my Prismacolors are skin tones, and none of hers were, so our two collections combined are very effective for arting, and we have been doing a lot of it.

And finally this summer, video games. I replayed Wind Waker and Twilight Princess (both depressing beyond all reason), Sophie just bought God of War, and I'm going to start in on Final Fantasy IX again (because I love it). This is not to mention our countless combined hours of the Sims 3.

In sum: it is muggy, and my feet have often hurt, but I am very happy and keeping busy. Also there is a cat, which never hurts.

Tired, feeling like crap, threw up my delicious dinner, started my period, still have to write a five-page paper on the definition of censorship and a one-page paper in Spanish, won't have time tomorrow because it's family Easter, which means I'll probably get involved in arguments with my family about religion, haven't been back to my room in way too long, didn't get my daily minimum of hugs.

However, I did color eggs, and I did get to shindig, I'll see my mom, my cats, and my dogs tomorrow, there will be yummy burgers, plenty of hard-boiled eggs, lots of candy, I'll get to show off some art, and I'm currently listening to the Across the Universe soundtrack. Also papers on censorship are super easy for me to write, because I automatically start ranting and fill the space before I know it.

I would like to find my hair curlers and curl my hair a few days before I chop some of it off. I'm not planning on it, but as much as I like my hair like this, I've had pretty much the same hairstyle and color for two years now. I can't afford to bleach and dye it, but I can afford to painstakingly cut my hair myself.

Now, I'm going to try to do some writing before I blow up the air mattress and pass out.

All work and hanging out with family members and no physical contact beside the occasional high-five is simply not feasible for me.

I felt like I was losing my mind.

My solution: more high-fives. Also playing with kids. Having a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old attacking me and beeping my nose was pretty much exactly the right cure. I mean, besides going out and jumping someone for guerrilla cuddles.

...Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty awesome, actually.

ANYWAY. I should be going to bed, because I have my costume class tomorrow morning, and we've finally started sewing. Have I mentioned that I love sewing? I do. Right now I am wearing a shirt I put together myself. It started life as a 3x NaNo shirt and one of my brother's old button-downs. It's now awesome and comfy and excellent for horsing around with kids in. Also for screaming at the television.

My life sounds really interesting with few details. As soon as I explain what I'm talking about, it kind of goes down the drain.

FINALLY: Today in my boring required English class I started writing a sci-fi story. I really hope I can finish it, because it is the sort of thing my dad would read, and honestly? It'd be pretty great to finish something.

I had a funny experience the other day. A cute girl who apparently lives on the third floor of my building invited me to a Bible study and said I and my roommate were welcome. I told her no thanks, and when she asked why, I told her Julie was Jewish and I wasn't really religious. She accepted that Julie was probably not interesting but told me it wasn't denominational or exclusive or anything, and it was totally cool if I believed in evolution or whatever I believed in (at this point she apologized for making assumptions because she had just met me but she wanted to make sure I knew I was welcome no matter what) and she'd leave me her card and number just in case. That was about two weeks ago. Thursday, she invited me to another Bible study session. She told me it was okay, I wouldn't be the only atheist there.

Somehow, my statement that I was not really religious turned me, in her mind, into an atheist.

I have to admit, I did lie to her. I told her I'm not really religious, which is only true in a technical sense. I spend a lot of time thinking about religion and my beliefs, and I believe in many things which are outside the realm of science and therefore supernatural. I honor enough irrational superstitions, I feel, to be termed religious.

Of course, I don't follow any larger organized religion--or even a smaller one. The closest thing I have to a "real" religion is Discordianism, which is really what I tell people so they stop trying to talk to me about religion. Honestly, saying "I'm not really religious" is intended to serve the same purpose: to get people to not ask me about religion.

The reason for this is very simple. I don't like talking about my religion or beliefs. I consider them to be the most personal things about me. I would feel less uncomfortable if someone wanted to discuss my bowel movements or genitalia. I literally cannot comprehend why people think it is more acceptable to ask me about the beliefs that form the foundation of my worldview and sense of self than it is to ask about bodily processes. I do not understand why it.

Because to me, questions of religion necessarily tie into questions about my entire outlook on life and sense of self. I don't feel like these things can be untangled from one another. Who I am informs how I view the world around me, which forms the basis of my beliefs, which influence my sense of self, and so on. Talking about any aspect of that, particularly to strangers or acquaintances who seem to think "What religion are you?" is appropriate small talk, makes me intensely uncomfortable.

But just because I dodge the question or bullshit an answer to get people to stop asking me doesn't mean I'm an atheist. Sure, I believe in evolution (and gravity, a heliocentric solar system, global warming, and the laws of physics), but neither I nor many others have a problem believing in both science and a higher power. Yes, I support gay marriage, freedom of choice, and equality for literally everyone, but that in no way makes me an atheist. I believe in chaos and Eris and free will and fate and that everything balances out in the end, and as far as I have been able to find, I don't match up with any religious organization out there. I don't see how that makes me an atheist or is anyone's business but mine.

And that is my problem, I think. I don't care what religion someone is. As long as it doesn't involve murdering dudes*, I do not care. And I don't understand why someone would care about mine, or why they would think my desire not to talk about it makes me an atheist.

*"murdering dudes" here refers to any behavior which impinges on another's rights

Also, yes, I have run up against all those assumptions, and I find I have an issue with this often enough for it to really freaking bother me. I don't have anything against atheism, but it bothers me that people so frequently assume you're either a Christian, a Jew, or a terrorist (because EVERYONE knows all Muslims are terrorists) because those are the ONLY RELIGIONS, and if you are not one of those, you are an atheist. Um. No.

In sum: leave me the hell alone and stop assuming you know everything about people. Oh my god. S.

So tonight, I went to play Fugitive with what was largely my residential complex and a church group (?) because the cute girl upstairs (Jeanna) asked me to. My friend Lexi from down the hall came along, and we played through two rounds of that, which was fun, and then decided to get yogurt. So we walked to MoJo's, which was great, although I had to pay because she had left her wallet in her room. We're sitting there, eating delicious frozen yogurt, and we decide it would be great to go to the movies, although again, I would have to pay. So we got on the bus and saw When In Rome, which was a really cute rom-com, though the ending could have used a little tightening up. Then, since it was so late the buses had stopped running, my wonderful cousin monkeeness came to get us and drove us back to the dorm. While we waited, we played DDR and Pac-Man, and found an abandoned Harkins souvenir cup.

Perhaps here I should mention that I really like Lexi and if I ever did break up with Jesse I would totally go to Lexi. Which she offered tonight. Before she told me I was a terrific date.

So that is the story of my awesome accidental date with a girl who is definitely not my boyfriend.

I have recently come to realize that my principles and my actions disagree with each other in a major way. I have this ideology that shame is wrong and that people should be more open, and yet I purposely hold things back all the time because I'm afraid someone will form a bad opinion of me.

From now on, I will be doing my best to remedy this.

Feeling kind of fevery. Hope it clears up before Thursday morning, when I take the AP English exam. Which is also fluffbunny's birthday. Ugh I still need to send that out.

Okay, by kind of fevery I mean I am miserable but not enough to stay home (again). Oh, and I have a field trip tomorrow to go see a ghetto-ified Hamlet. Dang.

Bluhhh.

Whoever it was who told me humans don't go into heat is a fucking liar. And must have been a man.

Today was the most difficult to get through day ever. I never noticed how many guys at school are attractive. Or rather, how many of them are attractive enough.

I realize that most of you probably don't need to know this, but goddamn.

So, got my letter for ASU, got my letter for the $9000 scholarship for ASU. Busy with rehearsals and AP homework. Also with being a silly girl. It's very time-consuming.

Busy busy busy. Haven't even written anything in like a week, even though I have a couple different outlines and more than one story burning a hole in my brain. It's awesome.

One: Comics should not be this addicting.

Two: We should probably actually do something as long as Sophie is here.

Three: Writing outlines is not difficult. Plots, however, still are.

Four: Holy shit that is a huge monster I am so glad I am not playing this game.

That is all.