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Nov. 5th, 2020 10:26 amSo I finally got a mental health professional to take me seriously when I said I thought I might have ADHD. My psych gave me some assessment paperwork, and oh boy, turns out I have ADHD! She gave me an adderall prescription and I started that last weekend and holy shit y'all. Holy shit. It's like I'm possessed by someone who can do things.
Like, the act of psyching myself up to do a task is no longer a task in and of itself. The other day I was like, jeez I need to take a shower today. And when I got in the bathroom I thought, I should really shave the sides of my head down, which I have been thinking every time I shower since like...September. But this time, I just...did it. Got out the shaver and fixed my hair and then still got in the shower. I did laundry! I swept the floor! I did homework! I went to a social event! I still managed to feed myself and shower and go to sleep at reasonable times! What the fuck!
I can definitely see why my psych warned me about stimulants potentially triggering manic episodes. There are times when I'm so excited that I can do things that my brain does start running like 100 miles a minute. But, and here's the fucked up part, I can then redirect my attention and focus on one thing. It's like a superpower. Is this what it's supposed to feel like? People are supposed to just be able to do things? Like, rationally evaluate whether a thing needs doing and if you have enough time and energy to do it, and if you do have the time and energy, just do it???
So now I have anxiety meds, an anti-depressant and plans for preventing SAD from getting too bad, and adderall, and I feel better than I have in years. Like, this used to be a one or two days every couple of weeks or months things, but it's been like. A week straight of being able to focus and get going without needing a bunch of lead time.
I mean the real test is how I do next summer break, because long breaks from school are currently the bane of my existence, but I suspect with the ADHD and anxiety handled, it will be easier to stave off the depression by staying busy, instead of intending to do that and then floating through time and space in a fog.
Like, the act of psyching myself up to do a task is no longer a task in and of itself. The other day I was like, jeez I need to take a shower today. And when I got in the bathroom I thought, I should really shave the sides of my head down, which I have been thinking every time I shower since like...September. But this time, I just...did it. Got out the shaver and fixed my hair and then still got in the shower. I did laundry! I swept the floor! I did homework! I went to a social event! I still managed to feed myself and shower and go to sleep at reasonable times! What the fuck!
I can definitely see why my psych warned me about stimulants potentially triggering manic episodes. There are times when I'm so excited that I can do things that my brain does start running like 100 miles a minute. But, and here's the fucked up part, I can then redirect my attention and focus on one thing. It's like a superpower. Is this what it's supposed to feel like? People are supposed to just be able to do things? Like, rationally evaluate whether a thing needs doing and if you have enough time and energy to do it, and if you do have the time and energy, just do it???
So now I have anxiety meds, an anti-depressant and plans for preventing SAD from getting too bad, and adderall, and I feel better than I have in years. Like, this used to be a one or two days every couple of weeks or months things, but it's been like. A week straight of being able to focus and get going without needing a bunch of lead time.
I mean the real test is how I do next summer break, because long breaks from school are currently the bane of my existence, but I suspect with the ADHD and anxiety handled, it will be easier to stave off the depression by staying busy, instead of intending to do that and then floating through time and space in a fog.
