maybe several things

So I'm in Milwaukee, I'm happier than I have been in a long time, I'm not getting a lot of writing done but I've read more in the last two weeks than I did in the two months before I left. My computer charger stopped functioning the night before I got on the plane to be here, so I left my laptop at home. When I got here, I discovered Sophie's computer uses the same charger as mine.

Still, though. I've beaten video games, I've read several books, I'm halfway through Transmetropolitan, I have access to a huge marker collection. And, you know, I'm in a place I don't hate with a group of people I love. So. There's that.

(Seriously though I could have brought my computer and my entire life would be so much easier NO BUT REALLY IT'S FINE)

Also, I joined Sophie, Sara, and Jake on an apartment-hunting trip to Minneapolis and Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, that is a nice city. Apparently the theatre program there is really nice (Sara is in it). Way more costuming classes. The shops aren't in the basement. The floor tiles aren't made of asbestos. I'm going to look into if my financial aid will transfer.

I feel like these five individuals are teaching me more about writing than all of the classes I am taking right now are teaching me about everything else.

I feel like I should take notes on everything they ever say.

I do have to wonder, though, why I have kept so much of the beginning of Silver Chain the same when it has always been the weakest and most obviously conceived before I was in high school. Totally got called out on that tonight, haha.

Also wonder why I constantly analyze the shit out of the tv I watch to the point of annoying everyone around me, but I don’t usually analyze literature unless it’s for a class or I’ve read it like a million times. It’s starting to be an issue with regards to crit group.

This might be one of the most stressful parts of my week, but I feel like it’s the part that will be the most important later in life. With the possible exception of learning the Spanish language (because hello how could that not be important to me?).

I had the best Crit Group experience tonight. It was just fantastic. We all have similar senses of humor, we get along well, overall everyone is a very good writer, and everyone takes criticism well. Honestly, it's like a dream. Tonight we ran late (almost an hour!) because we were so involved in talking about someone's story, offering suggestions, and making sure he knew what he was doing (he did when it came to the magic and the setting--mostly--but the characters had issues, and we spent a lot of time on that) that none of us even looked at a clock.

And even though we were pretty much tearing this guy's story apart, he was accepting the criticism, explaining things when we asked questions, and when someone offered alternatives or pointed out things that contradicted each other, he would explain how he would change it and what that would do to the rest of the story. Everyone so far has been about that wonderful at taking crit, too. I'm the only one whose story we haven't discussed yet, but I did send it around and the few comments I got on it were positive, which makes me feel pretty good. But of course, I've seen how the group works and offers crit, and man, this is a group I trust with my work.

This is also apparently a group I trust to give me a ride home, because since we ran late, I was concerned about the bus I needed still running, so the couple offered me a ride since my dorm is on their way. And I enjoyed the ride home, too--we talked about Iron Man, discussed the night's stories a little more, and the woman driving actually thanked me for sending my story out (!).

I feel like I have a lot of fun at these meetings, but I also learn a lot--and I feel like I'm helping the others out as well, and it's pretty fucking awesome.

All work and hanging out with family members and no physical contact beside the occasional high-five is simply not feasible for me.

I felt like I was losing my mind.

My solution: more high-fives. Also playing with kids. Having a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old attacking me and beeping my nose was pretty much exactly the right cure. I mean, besides going out and jumping someone for guerrilla cuddles.

...Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty awesome, actually.

ANYWAY. I should be going to bed, because I have my costume class tomorrow morning, and we've finally started sewing. Have I mentioned that I love sewing? I do. Right now I am wearing a shirt I put together myself. It started life as a 3x NaNo shirt and one of my brother's old button-downs. It's now awesome and comfy and excellent for horsing around with kids in. Also for screaming at the television.

My life sounds really interesting with few details. As soon as I explain what I'm talking about, it kind of goes down the drain.

FINALLY: Today in my boring required English class I started writing a sci-fi story. I really hope I can finish it, because it is the sort of thing my dad would read, and honestly? It'd be pretty great to finish something.

I had a funny experience the other day. A cute girl who apparently lives on the third floor of my building invited me to a Bible study and said I and my roommate were welcome. I told her no thanks, and when she asked why, I told her Julie was Jewish and I wasn't really religious. She accepted that Julie was probably not interesting but told me it wasn't denominational or exclusive or anything, and it was totally cool if I believed in evolution or whatever I believed in (at this point she apologized for making assumptions because she had just met me but she wanted to make sure I knew I was welcome no matter what) and she'd leave me her card and number just in case. That was about two weeks ago. Thursday, she invited me to another Bible study session. She told me it was okay, I wouldn't be the only atheist there.

Somehow, my statement that I was not really religious turned me, in her mind, into an atheist.

I have to admit, I did lie to her. I told her I'm not really religious, which is only true in a technical sense. I spend a lot of time thinking about religion and my beliefs, and I believe in many things which are outside the realm of science and therefore supernatural. I honor enough irrational superstitions, I feel, to be termed religious.

Of course, I don't follow any larger organized religion--or even a smaller one. The closest thing I have to a "real" religion is Discordianism, which is really what I tell people so they stop trying to talk to me about religion. Honestly, saying "I'm not really religious" is intended to serve the same purpose: to get people to not ask me about religion.

The reason for this is very simple. I don't like talking about my religion or beliefs. I consider them to be the most personal things about me. I would feel less uncomfortable if someone wanted to discuss my bowel movements or genitalia. I literally cannot comprehend why people think it is more acceptable to ask me about the beliefs that form the foundation of my worldview and sense of self than it is to ask about bodily processes. I do not understand why it.

Because to me, questions of religion necessarily tie into questions about my entire outlook on life and sense of self. I don't feel like these things can be untangled from one another. Who I am informs how I view the world around me, which forms the basis of my beliefs, which influence my sense of self, and so on. Talking about any aspect of that, particularly to strangers or acquaintances who seem to think "What religion are you?" is appropriate small talk, makes me intensely uncomfortable.

But just because I dodge the question or bullshit an answer to get people to stop asking me doesn't mean I'm an atheist. Sure, I believe in evolution (and gravity, a heliocentric solar system, global warming, and the laws of physics), but neither I nor many others have a problem believing in both science and a higher power. Yes, I support gay marriage, freedom of choice, and equality for literally everyone, but that in no way makes me an atheist. I believe in chaos and Eris and free will and fate and that everything balances out in the end, and as far as I have been able to find, I don't match up with any religious organization out there. I don't see how that makes me an atheist or is anyone's business but mine.

And that is my problem, I think. I don't care what religion someone is. As long as it doesn't involve murdering dudes*, I do not care. And I don't understand why someone would care about mine, or why they would think my desire not to talk about it makes me an atheist.

*"murdering dudes" here refers to any behavior which impinges on another's rights

Also, yes, I have run up against all those assumptions, and I find I have an issue with this often enough for it to really freaking bother me. I don't have anything against atheism, but it bothers me that people so frequently assume you're either a Christian, a Jew, or a terrorist (because EVERYONE knows all Muslims are terrorists) because those are the ONLY RELIGIONS, and if you are not one of those, you are an atheist. Um. No.

In sum: leave me the hell alone and stop assuming you know everything about people. Oh my god. S.

So tonight, I went to play Fugitive with what was largely my residential complex and a church group (?) because the cute girl upstairs (Jeanna) asked me to. My friend Lexi from down the hall came along, and we played through two rounds of that, which was fun, and then decided to get yogurt. So we walked to MoJo's, which was great, although I had to pay because she had left her wallet in her room. We're sitting there, eating delicious frozen yogurt, and we decide it would be great to go to the movies, although again, I would have to pay. So we got on the bus and saw When In Rome, which was a really cute rom-com, though the ending could have used a little tightening up. Then, since it was so late the buses had stopped running, my wonderful cousin monkeeness came to get us and drove us back to the dorm. While we waited, we played DDR and Pac-Man, and found an abandoned Harkins souvenir cup.

Perhaps here I should mention that I really like Lexi and if I ever did break up with Jesse I would totally go to Lexi. Which she offered tonight. Before she told me I was a terrific date.

So that is the story of my awesome accidental date with a girl who is definitely not my boyfriend.

I have recently come to realize that my principles and my actions disagree with each other in a major way. I have this ideology that shame is wrong and that people should be more open, and yet I purposely hold things back all the time because I'm afraid someone will form a bad opinion of me.

From now on, I will be doing my best to remedy this.

Okay, I know there are a lot of people in the writing community who are like "Ew fanfiction", and I know there are some that are like, "Well, I think it goes a long way toward getting people actually writing, which is how people get better and everything," and I know there are some other people who started in fandom and have since been published and still hang around in fandom and write fic and do perfectly well. I'm not sure any of that is the point, though, because there is one thing I have noticed fandom does so much better than any other writing community I've been a part of: giving writing advice.

Most of the writing advice I read other people (that isn't for academic papers why do they all want me to read about academic papers stop telling me to read these thingsssss) give is pretty...well, sometimes it's helpful. But a lot of it is repetitive, and a lot of it is all over the place, and a whole bunch of it is totally subjective and not terribly productive. In fandom, they cut straight to the point. Lots of fandoms are really good at giving criticism, and lots of them are really good at giving specific, helpful feedback, but fandom in general really shines at telling people what is and is not good writing.

Like this post here. Some of it is very fic-specific, but other stuff is really the sort of thing that any writer ought to be told straight away, and I honestly do not see addressed in places like Writer's Digest. Maybe it's supposed to be so obvious that everyone should know it already, but it clearly is not. And sometimes, saying it straightforwardly with a few swears is better than saying it all politely, because really, most people pay more attention to something that sounds interesting. Fact of life.

/rambly

I don't know if I've ever been this comfortable in my own life before. It's interesting, feeling like I've been waiting all my life to be right here, right now, living in a residence hall with a bunch of nutty teenaged girls and a stressed out music major roommate, getting up at eight o clock to walk across the street and learn American history, and then go out with my family for dinner almost every night, and sit in my room and read for class and fool around on the internet and eat oranges.

I don't want to be somewhere else. I don't spend all my time thinking about how much better things would be if I lived in Wisconsin/Arizona/not with my mom, or if only I could say something to Jazlin/Josejuan/whatever J name person I'm crushing on this week, or if I could just get some work done, or if my classes were less boring. I'm totally content right here, doing what I'm doing. It's kind of a first for me, and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

Other than forcing myself to write, which is increasingly difficult to do, along with reading, because I see no reason to get away from the real world. I've never had trouble reading, for crying out loud, because it was always better to be somewhere else. And now it's not, and that's weird.

Not bad, of course, but weird. Very different. I think I could get used to it.

(and I've been doing a pretty good job, for me, of ignoring the voice in the back of my head that says it's all going to implode sooner or later, because things are going too well. Pretty good. Not perfect.)

• 11:11 This morning, you guys. I'm awake. I got pie. My boyfriend is weird but my BEST friend is totally great. #
• 12:59 @norarebecca HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO AMERICAN WEDDING #
• 13:02 @norarebecca Hell yes. #
• 13:05 @norarebecca It's a deal. #
• 13:09 @norarebecca @savvyg And someone has to make sure no one has to go home and 'get up early' psh #
• 13:12 @norarebecca Awesome. #
• 13:57 ...i think i just pulled a tolkien and split the viewpoint characters. #
• 14:17 @rihk my roommate is watching that right now. #
• 15:03 @rihk Hey, i do, i don't know what you're talking about. #
• 15:09 STUPIDEST LAUGH EVER why is that endearing ugh #
• 16:21 @nehirose I SHOULD HOPE SO. #
• 16:27 Today, i finished part one. While jesse was here. I'm so productive. #
• 16:29 #donttrytoholla if you can't spell, guys, the internet is text based, learn how to type, really #reallynow #
• 16:31 also #whothehellisdonnie #whyarepeoplethankinghim #
• 16:32 @nooneai boi u dnt evn kno n i dnt evn crr #
• 17:04 @eeguerra13 Of my novel? #
• 17:40 Aaaand there goes my productivity asldfkasdjflsakd excuse me I'm going to teenage girl all over my room now. Funny part: he left. And yet. #
• 17:41 How can I think about criminals and plots and backstory when my life is ridiculous? #
• 18:06 Lol jesse just called me dudette what #
• 18:30 Finally dug goblet of fire out from behind my dresser. Wish i had time to read outside of the bathroom. Maybe next month. #
• 21:45 Point of interest: boys. #
• 22:06 Okay, awesome steampunk show watched, notes for paper written down, now to get some history reading done and some before-bed writing. #
• 22:06 ...and maybe take a shower. OR MAYBE NOT. Who knows. #
• 22:25 @nooneai livejournal post forthcoming. #
• 22:42 @nooneai bone portraits. Asu. Weekends through the 21. #
• 22:44 @nooneai fridays, dude. I mean, of course i did, i took a tv into the theatre with me. #
• 22:54 Man, i need to get a state id. You need one of those after you turn eighteen, right? Or else i can't go out and be crazy. And legal. #
• 23:06 Man, i've lost the game so much today, guys. So much. #
• 23:11 And apparently, my ass does look good in these jeans. Never will i doubt the gay guys in drama again. #
• 23:14 Also totally in my english class now! Thanks beth from @hida_oss! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter