queenofzan: (Default)
queenofzan ([personal profile] queenofzan) wrote2016-09-22 12:18 am

(no subject)

I hate knowing I only feel like this when my medication isn't right

but I hate feeling like that makes it a less valid thing to feel

I hate spending all my time trying to accommodate other people's needs and not a getting a damn second spent on mine

I hate thinking that I let myself mind it less when I'm medicated as like a backslide into old behaviors

I hate always apologizing like my feelings don't matter just as much, like I don't deserve an apology, like there was literally anything I could have done past a certain point

I hate constantly worrying that even wanting my own needs to be met is abusive

I hate pretending I'm not fucking bleeding because what if saying I'm hurting is manipulative

I hate it I hate it I hate it