queenofzan: (Default)
So I wasn't aware this was going to happen, but this has apparently turned into the summer of concerts for me. I think the biggest factor in this was the fact that I was in Milwaukee for Summerfest, could get to Summerfest, and cared about music, things that have never managed to overlap before in my life.

The concerts: Cage the Elephant, Weird Al, B-52s, Joan Jett, Three Beers 'Til Dubuque, An Awful Band Of Which I Will Not Speak, Katzenjammer, DEVO )

Also this summer: books. I've read so many books this summer. It's very nice. I went through Sophie's whole Neil Gaiman collection (two books were short story collections, which make me happier than most things), all of Transmetropolitan, the Ocarina of Time manga, the comic adaption of Neverwhere, the Zombie Survival Guide, the Illustrated Outbreaks comic, several Georgia Nicholson books, The Giver, a short book of captioned illustrations by Edward Gorey, and am currently working my way through Pretty in Punk, about girls' gender resistance in the punk movement.

Also also this summer: markers. Sophie's mom had a bunch of old Prismacolor markers from her school days, and gifted them to Sophie, who has allowed me to use them while I'm here. Most of my Prismacolors are skin tones, and none of hers were, so our two collections combined are very effective for arting, and we have been doing a lot of it.

And finally this summer, video games. I replayed Wind Waker and Twilight Princess (both depressing beyond all reason), Sophie just bought God of War, and I'm going to start in on Final Fantasy IX again (because I love it). This is not to mention our countless combined hours of the Sims 3.

In sum: it is muggy, and my feet have often hurt, but I am very happy and keeping busy. Also there is a cat, which never hurts.

Update?

Jun. 22nd, 2010 10:49 pm
queenofzan: (Default)
So I'm in Milwaukee, I'm happier than I have been in a long time, I'm not getting a lot of writing done but I've read more in the last two weeks than I did in the two months before I left. My computer charger stopped functioning the night before I got on the plane to be here, so I left my laptop at home. When I got here, I discovered Sophie's computer uses the same charger as mine.

Still, though. I've beaten video games, I've read several books, I'm halfway through Transmetropolitan, I have access to a huge marker collection. And, you know, I'm in a place I don't hate with a group of people I love. So. There's that.

(Seriously though I could have brought my computer and my entire life would be so much easier NO BUT REALLY IT'S FINE)

Also, I joined Sophie, Sara, and Jake on an apartment-hunting trip to Minneapolis and Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, that is a nice city. Apparently the theatre program there is really nice (Sara is in it). Way more costuming classes. The shops aren't in the basement. The floor tiles aren't made of asbestos. I'm going to look into if my financial aid will transfer.

Now.

Apr. 4th, 2010 01:37 am
queenofzan: (Default)
Tired, feeling like crap, threw up my delicious dinner, started my period, still have to write a five-page paper on the definition of censorship and a one-page paper in Spanish, won't have time tomorrow because it's family Easter, which means I'll probably get involved in arguments with my family about religion, haven't been back to my room in way too long, didn't get my daily minimum of hugs.

However, I did color eggs, and I did get to shindig, I'll see my mom, my cats, and my dogs tomorrow, there will be yummy burgers, plenty of hard-boiled eggs, lots of candy, I'll get to show off some art, and I'm currently listening to the Across the Universe soundtrack. Also papers on censorship are super easy for me to write, because I automatically start ranting and fill the space before I know it.

I would like to find my hair curlers and curl my hair a few days before I chop some of it off. I'm not planning on it, but as much as I like my hair like this, I've had pretty much the same hairstyle and color for two years now. I can't afford to bleach and dye it, but I can afford to painstakingly cut my hair myself.

Now, I'm going to try to do some writing before I blow up the air mattress and pass out.
queenofzan: (Default)
So today, I went to test an outfit for tomorrow and put on a cute pleated skirt I rarely find occasion to wear, because it was small when I bought it and it's not worth the discomfort most days. I discovered it no longer fit even as well as it did the last time I wore it (several months ago), which means I must have gained a little weight or relocated it to my waist or whatever. I don't really care about this, because I'm still in a healthy range and I'm still attractive and everything, it just means that skirt (and probably a few others) don't fit and now I have to be rethink how I arrange my outfits (because I was not in fact imagining that my hips have gotten wider and that means the balance of half the things I wear is all off now).

ANYWAY I mentioned this (because I was a little disappointed about the skirt) to my roommate and a friend from down the hall, and the immediate reaction was "You should eat better!" and "Oh, you should work out with us in the morning!"

Um. I gained a few pounds, girls. Maybe a total of an inch around my waist, a little more than that on my hips and thighs. It's not a big deal.

If you're going to pretend you're concerned about my health, don't wait until I complain about not fitting into one item of clothing that I knew was too small when I bought it. Seriously, what the hell.

(In other news: body image! I'm more concerned about drinking less soda and remembering to brush my teeth than I am about having a flat stomach. Seriously now.) (I bet those girls would freak out to know I do not shave anything but my pits.)

Fact:

Feb. 23rd, 2010 12:36 am
queenofzan: (O rly?   Sammy!)
All work and hanging out with family members and no physical contact beside the occasional high-five is simply not feasible for me.

I felt like I was losing my mind.

My solution: more high-fives. Also playing with kids. Having a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old attacking me and beeping my nose was pretty much exactly the right cure. I mean, besides going out and jumping someone for guerrilla cuddles.

...Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty awesome, actually.

ANYWAY. I should be going to bed, because I have my costume class tomorrow morning, and we've finally started sewing. Have I mentioned that I love sewing? I do. Right now I am wearing a shirt I put together myself. It started life as a 3x NaNo shirt and one of my brother's old button-downs. It's now awesome and comfy and excellent for horsing around with kids in. Also for screaming at the television.

My life sounds really interesting with few details. As soon as I explain what I'm talking about, it kind of goes down the drain.

FINALLY: Today in my boring required English class I started writing a sci-fi story. I really hope I can finish it, because it is the sort of thing my dad would read, and honestly? It'd be pretty great to finish something.
queenofzan: (O rly?   Sammy!)
So, I just got back from my first meeting of the writing group that grew out of my area's NaNo community. It was interesting. I've never actually been part of a writing group before that was both real-life and made up of people who weren't my friends. They were all people I knew vaguely from write-ins and such in November, but no one I really knew, and so I was a little quieter than I might have otherwise been, when it came to speaking up and critiquing and such.

Overall, it was enjoyable, and I'm looking forward to the next meeting, two Thursdays from now. I managed to only spend five dollars even though we were at an IHOP, so I feel like I did good there. And there were only a total of six people there, three of whom I knew from write-ins and one of whom was me, so I didn't get as freaked-out-closed-mouth-stare-straight-ahead as I might have. I was definitely the youngest person there, though, and I felt like the most inexperienced, but that might not have been true. I just always get a little awkward when people start talking about how terrible they were when they were younger, and "when they were younger" invariably turns out to be about my age now. Oh well.

Just figured I'd write this up since it was what I missed out on a gazillion other things for--a Sleeping Beauty ballet, Volleyball, and a movie are just a few of the things people invited me to do on this particular Thursday, and I skipped all of them to go to the writing group. I feel like I made the better decision there (though I really wanted to go to Sleeping Beauty).

So, that was the big exciting part of my week. Next week I have my first few exams for this semester, and we start sewing in costume class. Hopefully I'll get some more work on Silver Chain done, and maaaaaaybe I will finish another writing comic.

/exciting posts
queenofzan: (Default)
I had a funny experience the other day. A cute girl who apparently lives on the third floor of my building invited me to a Bible study and said I and my roommate were welcome. I told her no thanks, and when she asked why, I told her Julie was Jewish and I wasn't really religious. She accepted that Julie was probably not interesting but told me it wasn't denominational or exclusive or anything, and it was totally cool if I believed in evolution or whatever I believed in (at this point she apologized for making assumptions because she had just met me but she wanted to make sure I knew I was welcome no matter what) and she'd leave me her card and number just in case. That was about two weeks ago. Thursday, she invited me to another Bible study session. She told me it was okay, I wouldn't be the only atheist there.

Somehow, my statement that I was not really religious turned me, in her mind, into an atheist.

I have to admit, I did lie to her. I told her I'm not really religious, which is only true in a technical sense. I spend a lot of time thinking about religion and my beliefs, and I believe in many things which are outside the realm of science and therefore supernatural. I honor enough irrational superstitions, I feel, to be termed religious.

Of course, I don't follow any larger organized religion--or even a smaller one. The closest thing I have to a "real" religion is Discordianism, which is really what I tell people so they stop trying to talk to me about religion. Honestly, saying "I'm not really religious" is intended to serve the same purpose: to get people to not ask me about religion.

The reason for this is very simple. I don't like talking about my religion or beliefs. I consider them to be the most personal things about me. I would feel less uncomfortable if someone wanted to discuss my bowel movements or genitalia. I literally cannot comprehend why people think it is more acceptable to ask me about the beliefs that form the foundation of my worldview and sense of self than it is to ask about bodily processes. I do not understand why it.

Because to me, questions of religion necessarily tie into questions about my entire outlook on life and sense of self. I don't feel like these things can be untangled from one another. Who I am informs how I view the world around me, which forms the basis of my beliefs, which influence my sense of self, and so on. Talking about any aspect of that, particularly to strangers or acquaintances who seem to think "What religion are you?" is appropriate small talk, makes me intensely uncomfortable.

But just because I dodge the question or bullshit an answer to get people to stop asking me doesn't mean I'm an atheist. Sure, I believe in evolution (and gravity, a heliocentric solar system, global warming, and the laws of physics), but neither I nor many others have a problem believing in both science and a higher power. Yes, I support gay marriage, freedom of choice, and equality for literally everyone, but that in no way makes me an atheist. I believe in chaos and Eris and free will and fate and that everything balances out in the end, and as far as I have been able to find, I don't match up with any religious organization out there. I don't see how that makes me an atheist or is anyone's business but mine.

And that is my problem, I think. I don't care what religion someone is. As long as it doesn't involve murdering dudes*, I do not care. And I don't understand why someone would care about mine, or why they would think my desire not to talk about it makes me an atheist.

*"murdering dudes" here refers to any behavior which impinges on another's rights

Also, yes, I have run up against all those assumptions, and I find I have an issue with this often enough for it to really freaking bother me. I don't have anything against atheism, but it bothers me that people so frequently assume you're either a Christian, a Jew, or a terrorist (because EVERYONE knows all Muslims are terrorists) because those are the ONLY RELIGIONS, and if you are not one of those, you are an atheist. Um. No.

In sum: leave me the hell alone and stop assuming you know everything about people. Oh my god. S.
queenofzan: (Default)
I hate it when my RL friends ask me for advice on writing. Not when they have some specific issue or something. But when it's a friend who thinks writing twenty pages of a story definitely means they're going to finish and publish this book and they might have to fix some punctuation errors or something and they ask "what I think"...

It's pretty uncomfortable for me. I mean, I know we all start somewhere, and that's where most of us start, but there are also a lot of people who get to that point and then never do anything with writing ever again. The friend in question in this case is kind of a flighty type in the first place, so I will believe his commitment to this story/writing when I see it.

But, like, I don't know what to say. My urge to constantly analyze things and talk about what makes writing good and point out flaws always fights with the knowledge that saying something too harsh to the wrong person can make that friendship awkward (or, depending on the person, nonexistent).

The problem in this case is that the key idea of the story really is quite good. It's interesting. There could be some interesting themes about fate and second chances and etc. It's the sort of idea where you hear it and you go, Ooh, I'd love to write that, except, you know, the person who came up with it is a good enough friend they'd call you on it and get pissed, and not good enough that you can ask to snag the idea.

I find I have this problem often enough to get very weary of it. I don't know how to tell people that the ability to put words in a row doesn't make them a writer, and while I applaud the effort, nineteen pages into a story (with many common beginner flaws and a slightly below average grasp of grammar) is a little early to be talking about publishing and the sequel you'll write.

THAT SAID, I did my best to be encouraging and compliment the idea behind the story and pointed out the most immediately fixable of its flaws (in this case, the flowery dialogue in a modern-day story) and to generally not be a bitch. But still. I feel like I ought to make up a sign. Something about not running a writing clinic. I don't know.
queenofzan: (Default)
So tonight, I went to play Fugitive with what was largely my residential complex and a church group (?) because the cute girl upstairs (Jeanna) asked me to. My friend Lexi from down the hall came along, and we played through two rounds of that, which was fun, and then decided to get yogurt. So we walked to MoJo's, which was great, although I had to pay because she had left her wallet in her room. We're sitting there, eating delicious frozen yogurt, and we decide it would be great to go to the movies, although again, I would have to pay. So we got on the bus and saw When In Rome, which was a really cute rom-com, though the ending could have used a little tightening up. Then, since it was so late the buses had stopped running, my wonderful cousin [livejournal.com profile] monkeeness came to get us and drove us back to the dorm. While we waited, we played DDR and Pac-Man, and found an abandoned Harkins souvenir cup.

Perhaps here I should mention that I really like Lexi and if I ever did break up with Jesse I would totally go to Lexi. Which she offered tonight. Before she told me I was a terrific date.

So that is the story of my awesome accidental date with a girl who is definitely not my boyfriend.
queenofzan: (Default)
I have recently come to realize that my principles and my actions disagree with each other in a major way. I have this ideology that shame is wrong and that people should be more open, and yet I purposely hold things back all the time because I'm afraid someone will form a bad opinion of me.

From now on, I will be doing my best to remedy this.
queenofzan: (Default)
I don't know if I've ever been this comfortable in my own life before. It's interesting, feeling like I've been waiting all my life to be right here, right now, living in a residence hall with a bunch of nutty teenaged girls and a stressed out music major roommate, getting up at eight o clock to walk across the street and learn American history, and then go out with my family for dinner almost every night, and sit in my room and read for class and fool around on the internet and eat oranges.

I don't want to be somewhere else. I don't spend all my time thinking about how much better things would be if I lived in Wisconsin/Arizona/not with my mom, or if only I could say something to Jazlin/Josejuan/whatever J name person I'm crushing on this week, or if I could just get some work done, or if my classes were less boring. I'm totally content right here, doing what I'm doing. It's kind of a first for me, and I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

Other than forcing myself to write, which is increasingly difficult to do, along with reading, because I see no reason to get away from the real world. I've never had trouble reading, for crying out loud, because it was always better to be somewhere else. And now it's not, and that's weird.

Not bad, of course, but weird. Very different. I think I could get used to it.

(and I've been doing a pretty good job, for me, of ignoring the voice in the back of my head that says it's all going to implode sooner or later, because things are going too well. Pretty good. Not perfect.)
queenofzan: (Default)
Feeling kind of fevery. Hope it clears up before Thursday morning, when I take the AP English exam. Which is also [livejournal.com profile] fluffbunny's birthday. Ugh I still need to send that out.

Okay, by kind of fevery I mean I am miserable but not enough to stay home (again). Oh, and I have a field trip tomorrow to go see a ghetto-ified Hamlet. Dang.

Bluhhh.

Finale

Apr. 23rd, 2009 10:53 pm
queenofzan: (WOAH.)
If all goes according to plan (doubtful), this is the speech I am going to give tomorrow night:


Hola. Como estas? Mi nombre es Annie Cosper. Mi show es de fantasmas. Se llama "Spirited Behavior".

Okay, that's all the Spanish I've got. Like I said, the show that I directed is called "Spirited Behavior," and it's about ghosts. I chose this play because...well, because I liked it. It isn't as serious and dramatic as some of the shows are, but, you know, I chose what I was familiar with. Both I and my actors have worked very hard on this show. This show is sort of the culmination of my years in the Magnet. I've been in the program for four years now, and everything I've learned over the past four years has gone into this show. It's all been leading up to this moment, and I can't help but feel a little sad. I mean, I'm excited to finally be directing, but this is my last hurrah in front of a South audience, and I'm going to miss it. I think we all are. This show isn't just my effort, or just the effort of me and my actors. Over the past few years, we've grown closer and changed the way each other spoke and thought and acted on stage, and I am convinced that this show--none of our shows--would not be what you see tonight if it hadn't been for the others. We all worked together on this, and it's the last time we're going to be doing so. This is really important to a lot of us, and it means a lot to me that you all are here tonight, to support us. So thank you all for coming, and I hope you enjoy the show.

(I plan on starting to cry right about "hurrah". I figure that's when it'll probably get the better of me.)
queenofzan: (no willpower)
Whoever it was who told me humans don't go into heat is a fucking liar. And must have been a man.

Today was the most difficult to get through day ever. I never noticed how many guys at school are attractive. Or rather, how many of them are attractive enough.

I realize that most of you probably don't need to know this, but goddamn.
queenofzan: (Default)
I feel kind of lost at the moment. I accidentally slept through school today, so I spent the whole day reading comics. I ran out of comics, and now I don't know what to do. I should go to bed, since I do have school tomorrow, but I really don't want to do that. I don't know.

The only work I did today--the only anything I did today that I could even loosely classify as work--was plotting out a Supernatural/Grease crossover with [livejournal.com profile] nehi. That was my day!

Also I chewed my fingernails way too much and now it kind of hurts to type. :/
queenofzan: (same wind (foxglove_icons))
So, got my letter for ASU, got my letter for the $9000 scholarship for ASU. Busy with rehearsals and AP homework. Also with being a silly girl. It's very time-consuming.

Busy busy busy. Haven't even written anything in like a week, even though I have a couple different outlines and more than one story burning a hole in my brain. It's awesome.
queenofzan: (Default)
I think I am just going to call this week a loss. I can think of very few things that would actually redeem this week, and most of them are terribly unlikely.

Seeing as this week is a loss, I'm going to call it a job well done if I get anything at all done. Or if I don't have a breakdown. Or...Basically I'm going to be fine with whatever happens as long as it doesn't continue in the way it has been.

Because as much as I love to say I told you so, it really will not feel appropriate.
queenofzan: (Default)
One: Comics should not be this addicting.

Two: We should probably actually do something as long as Sophie is here.

Three: Writing outlines is not difficult. Plots, however, still are.

Four: Holy shit that is a huge monster I am so glad I am not playing this game.

That is all.
queenofzan: (Default)
So I guess the universe takes my tweets too seriously? I spent this morning in the emergency room. Mom got like crazy sick. Vertigo, throwing up, trouble breathing, super low heart rate...it was the funnest Christmas morning ever.

But she is okay now, and I am actually sitting down to eat for the first time all day (I had a donut and a thing of orange juice at the hospital), so everything is A-OK all right now.

An aside: it is really weird to have to be the adult in the house. :/ I mean, I am used to taking care of her and keeping her on track, but that is more of a teamwork thing and less of a mothering thing. Right now I am making sure she takes the medications the ER doc prescribed and pouring her ginger ale. And helping her walk to the bathroom. V. strange.

(Of course, I just heard her answer a Jeopardy question so I know she is feeling all right.)

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