queenofzan: (Default)
2016-09-22 12:18 am

(no subject)

I hate knowing I only feel like this when my medication isn't right

but I hate feeling like that makes it a less valid thing to feel

I hate spending all my time trying to accommodate other people's needs and not a getting a damn second spent on mine

I hate thinking that I let myself mind it less when I'm medicated as like a backslide into old behaviors

I hate always apologizing like my feelings don't matter just as much, like I don't deserve an apology, like there was literally anything I could have done past a certain point

I hate constantly worrying that even wanting my own needs to be met is abusive

I hate pretending I'm not fucking bleeding because what if saying I'm hurting is manipulative

I hate it I hate it I hate it
queenofzan: (Default)
2016-02-26 01:55 am

guess there's another reason family-oriented media makes me cry now

even though i know it logically doesn't follow, because the only reason i even know what shits my siblings are is because my dad died, i really wish he were still alive so i could talk to him about this

mom is too forgiving, she gives people the benefit of the doubt. dad would understand the need to hold a grudge, even if he disagreed. he understood that sometimes it doesn't matter if people's intentions are good or if they're family, you still gotta sigh loudly and say "NO, --"

anyway my sister's a transmisogynist who refuses to listen even though she hates it when people interrupt her, and my brother is literally the dumbass criminal who keeps getting caught for the same stupid small-time crimes, and both of them are too selfish to help the rest of the people in the family, including our parents, including their baby sister, and like, the older i get the less it's like "well maybe adulthood is a thing i don't understand" and more like "my siblings are jerks"

like honestly this hurts more than realizing my parents had faults, bc lol my parents always seemed human to me, i was the kid left at home after my siblings moved out, i was the one who went through the divorce with them, i was the one literally starving with them, it wasn't hard to see them struggle or have faults. but my siblings are the ones who took care of me when i was a kid. they were ten and fifteen years older than me, they were cool, they had their own lives but they were so proud of me and supportive, and then it turns out that expired when i stopped being cute

bc like, birthday phone calls are not the same as support, they don't make up for refusing to listen, for refusing to acknowledge that they might be wrong, for lying to my face and to our mom's face, they don't make up for taking advantage of our parents and monopolizing their attention during the years i needed them most literally having day long mental breakdowns and living in a fucking slum

like i got holes in my face ultimately because i admired my siblings, i chose my high school based on the suggestions of my siblings, i listened to their problems when they were adults and i was the fucking child, i made excuses to our family for them, and they apparently don't give more of a shit about my feelings and my life than a phone call once a year

it sucks! it sucks because most of my family is good! even the hellishly abusive aunt offered me support when i needed it most and made sure i had a place to stay and food to eat and socialization! it sucks because i thought once i was an adult they would actually treat me like an equal instead of like a baby! but i guess! even when you're a 39 or 34 year old with a kid or a job or a house! your baby sister couldn't possibly not be a child anymore or ever have a point or ever be worth listening to!
queenofzan: (Default)
2016-02-21 10:54 am

state of the annie

So this has been The Worst Year (tm). Things had been rough since we moved from Phoenix to Minneapolis, just because, well, they were. Turns out I get the SAD pretty bad when I live somewhere with a real winter, and so does Grem. But Glo and Grem both went back to school, and I was getting occasional union jobs, ie jobs that actually pay enough to live on for a few weeks afterward, and we were figuring things out, right.

And then my family members started dying.

First, while I was working a fairly long term job that paid real well but also had me working under the Draper From Hell, one of my uncles died. And not one of the crappy ones, one of the two good ones, that wasn't an alcoholic or a jerk. He also happened to be my mom's youngest brother, and the first one in her family since her dad to die. She kinda lost it, so I was obliged to keep it together, while also being the only one in the family doing a full time job thing. I missed the funeral stuff because of work, and Glo made multiple trips to Milwaukee on her own (which is like a 6 hour drive). Fun times.

Then it got worse! During the summer we all basically had no source of income, and eked out a continued existence by taking turns paying bills so nothing got shut off, and going hungry instead of eating, so we would have enough money to pay rent for the slum we were living in.

Then Glo got a nice job, and I was offered a place for the season at the Opera, and my father died. Literally the day after I signed the contract, my first day off, I got woken up at two a.m. and then again at six by different phone calls about my dad being first in the hospital, then not going to make it.

I think it was the next week that we had to go to eviction court, because the slumlords were/presumably still are scum, and again I had to hold it together more than I cared to because mom started crying about the last time she did this my dad was there with her. We ended up paying an obnoxious amount of money to settle, because we had already decided with both of us employed and our lease up at the end of the next month, there was no point in putting ourselves through more missed work and court hassle. So the month after my dad died, we spent house hunting.

We found a place, we moved, it was stressful but not horrible, we both missed the funeral because we couldn't really afford to move and fly to Phoenix, and also, I didn't want to go, because I could not stand the thought of so many people being fake as hell about my dad. I didn't want to deal with all these people acting sad when they didn't do a damn thing for him when he was alive. I also didn't really want to deal with people other than like. My mom acting like their pain was equivalent to mine, which is a shitty thing, but like, he was my fucking dad and I can be ugly and petty in grief if I need to be.

Then I had a six-week layoff over the holidays, which was awful, because when my mental health is already taking a hit, unemployment is basically the worst thing ever for me. It was bad enough to the point that I struggled with getting to work on time/at all, which of course only made the problem worse. I had to talk to my supervisor and try to figure out accommodations and it was really hard and awful and I spent like an entire day crying and having a panic attack about it.

Then my grandma died. Again, not the shitty one, but the one I liked and had been writing letters and thank you cards to, in probably the most effort to stay in touch with someone I have ever made.

The rest of this horribleness is too recent for me to have much coherent to say about it. Just as I was getting my feet under me after the third death in my family in like nine months, I slipped outside and cracked my ribs, which basically made me physically unable to work. I had to quit my job, because it became clear that the universe wanted me to take a fucking break. I'm still in enough pain from my ribs and the funeral last weekend (and the flights, which are so amazingly not fun when you have broken bones) that I haven't really started feeling hopelessly useless from unemployment. The funeral weekend was a disaster, with the awkward funeral mass and subsequent reception being kind of the high point. People got disowned, people moved out, people turned out to be secret transmisogynists, it was a trainwreck. Today was the first day since we flew back that I didn't sleep at least twelve hours.

Having all this down in one place as a narrative really helps me convince myself that I'm not overreacting. It's really hard to be like "I'm just too crazy to be a real adult" when like. The entire world has been non-stop awful to me and my family.
queenofzan: (too pure)
2015-10-28 09:59 pm

Dear Holly Poly Writer

Overall Big Likes

People opening up established relationships, couples deciding they want to date someone as a couple, one-time things turning into long-term relationships, trans characters, negotiation, ladies being important and competent and not sidelined by the narrative. Also Standard Rom Com tropes--if you'd see it in like a Sandra Bullock movie, I will probably enjoy it. I am totally okay with skating over rl-style homophobia/etc and just having people accept the poly relationships and the gay, I am willing to accept basically any handwave.

Also, not that porn is a necessity, but bdsm and especially femdom are way great and appreciated.

I love to read fluff and be happy but I also love to read sad things and cry about it, so I won't be disappointed one way or the other. I just love fic that makes me feel things, but luckily for you, I am super emotional to begin with!


Overall Big Dislikes

People being in relationships where they don't seem like they're even friends, or would be friends if they weren't sleeping together.


Leverage

I love case fic, but I'm not super keen on the stuff where they go after a Big Real Myth (DB Cooper, the Spruce Goose) just because it's really hard to like live up to the legend. I also love competence porn and the team teaching each other their skills.

I am probably never going to get enough of them getting together, no matter how it happens or even in what order. I also love them being domestic, in their weird ways (because they are all weird), and figuring out what that means for them.


Dragon Age

So this is important: mages! Mages' rights! Mages forever! I'm not totally against acknowledging templars can be good (Ser Barris, Ser Evangeline) but I am so heavily mage-rights and you should probably know that.

Alistair/Zevran/Warden

My Warden who romanced Alistair was a city elf, but tbh Alistair is so in love with the Warden no matter what I'm not married to the idea.

Isabela/Merrill/Aveline

Mahariel/Merrill/Tamlen

fHawke/Merrill/Aveline/Isabela

I usually play purple ie jokey Hawke, but I'm not totally married to the idea. I actually really love reading about other people's Hawkes so feel free to go as specific as you want.


Due South

I love case fic, as mentioned above, but in a complete reversal from above, taking on real world myths or cases or what have you (or thinly veiled replacements for famous events) are great, because if it's completely silly, well, it's due South, so silly is okay. In fact, for me, silly due South is great.

Also just because sometimes they get left out of shippy fics, I love the secondary cast. Diefenbaker is especially dear to me, but I love the precinct also.


Mass Effect

I love weird alien biology, the weirder the better. Honestly Mass Effect didn't go far enough for me in canon, so if you want to weird it the heck up I will be all over it. Also I really enjoy the idea of Tali and Garrus taking Shep to dextro restaurants on dates, because majority rules Commander! Sorry your chemical makeup doesn't understand how hard it is to get reservations here!

I am also one hundred percent willing to accept whatever handwaves you have for Shepard surviving ME3.
queenofzan: (Default)
2013-03-15 03:44 pm

(no subject)

Maybe if I make myself post on Dreamwidth, I will remember it exists and check it on a regular basis. Maybe.
queenofzan: (Default)
2013-01-01 05:14 am

(no subject)

I'm resolving to spend more time on Dreamwidth, because it actually seems like it is ACTIVE, as opposed to LJ, which is. Less so.

I look forward to failing miserably/becoming unexpectedly overattached.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-07-06 10:25 pm

One for the Vault

So I wasn't aware this was going to happen, but this has apparently turned into the summer of concerts for me. I think the biggest factor in this was the fact that I was in Milwaukee for Summerfest, could get to Summerfest, and cared about music, things that have never managed to overlap before in my life.

The concerts: Cage the Elephant, Weird Al, B-52s, Joan Jett, Three Beers 'Til Dubuque, An Awful Band Of Which I Will Not Speak, Katzenjammer, DEVO )

Also this summer: books. I've read so many books this summer. It's very nice. I went through Sophie's whole Neil Gaiman collection (two books were short story collections, which make me happier than most things), all of Transmetropolitan, the Ocarina of Time manga, the comic adaption of Neverwhere, the Zombie Survival Guide, the Illustrated Outbreaks comic, several Georgia Nicholson books, The Giver, a short book of captioned illustrations by Edward Gorey, and am currently working my way through Pretty in Punk, about girls' gender resistance in the punk movement.

Also also this summer: markers. Sophie's mom had a bunch of old Prismacolor markers from her school days, and gifted them to Sophie, who has allowed me to use them while I'm here. Most of my Prismacolors are skin tones, and none of hers were, so our two collections combined are very effective for arting, and we have been doing a lot of it.

And finally this summer, video games. I replayed Wind Waker and Twilight Princess (both depressing beyond all reason), Sophie just bought God of War, and I'm going to start in on Final Fantasy IX again (because I love it). This is not to mention our countless combined hours of the Sims 3.

In sum: it is muggy, and my feet have often hurt, but I am very happy and keeping busy. Also there is a cat, which never hurts.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-06-22 10:49 pm

Update?

So I'm in Milwaukee, I'm happier than I have been in a long time, I'm not getting a lot of writing done but I've read more in the last two weeks than I did in the two months before I left. My computer charger stopped functioning the night before I got on the plane to be here, so I left my laptop at home. When I got here, I discovered Sophie's computer uses the same charger as mine.

Still, though. I've beaten video games, I've read several books, I'm halfway through Transmetropolitan, I have access to a huge marker collection. And, you know, I'm in a place I don't hate with a group of people I love. So. There's that.

(Seriously though I could have brought my computer and my entire life would be so much easier NO BUT REALLY IT'S FINE)

Also, I joined Sophie, Sara, and Jake on an apartment-hunting trip to Minneapolis and Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, that is a nice city. Apparently the theatre program there is really nice (Sara is in it). Way more costuming classes. The shops aren't in the basement. The floor tiles aren't made of asbestos. I'm going to look into if my financial aid will transfer.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-04-04 01:37 am

Now.

Tired, feeling like crap, threw up my delicious dinner, started my period, still have to write a five-page paper on the definition of censorship and a one-page paper in Spanish, won't have time tomorrow because it's family Easter, which means I'll probably get involved in arguments with my family about religion, haven't been back to my room in way too long, didn't get my daily minimum of hugs.

However, I did color eggs, and I did get to shindig, I'll see my mom, my cats, and my dogs tomorrow, there will be yummy burgers, plenty of hard-boiled eggs, lots of candy, I'll get to show off some art, and I'm currently listening to the Across the Universe soundtrack. Also papers on censorship are super easy for me to write, because I automatically start ranting and fill the space before I know it.

I would like to find my hair curlers and curl my hair a few days before I chop some of it off. I'm not planning on it, but as much as I like my hair like this, I've had pretty much the same hairstyle and color for two years now. I can't afford to bleach and dye it, but I can afford to painstakingly cut my hair myself.

Now, I'm going to try to do some writing before I blow up the air mattress and pass out.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-03-25 10:02 pm

Got torn up at Crit Group tonight.

I feel like these five individuals are teaching me more about writing than all of the classes I am taking right now are teaching me about everything else.

I feel like I should take notes on everything they ever say.

I do have to wonder, though, why I have kept so much of the beginning of Silver Chain the same when it has always been the weakest and most obviously conceived before I was in high school. Totally got called out on that tonight, haha.

Also wonder why I constantly analyze the shit out of the tv I watch to the point of annoying everyone around me, but I don’t usually analyze literature unless it’s for a class or I’ve read it like a million times. It’s starting to be an issue with regards to crit group.

This might be one of the most stressful parts of my week, but I feel like it’s the part that will be the most important later in life. With the possible exception of learning the Spanish language (because hello how could that not be important to me?).
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-03-25 02:39 pm
Entry tags:

Apparently family dysfunction is heroic. GOOD NEWS FOR MY FAMILY.

It really makes me angry when people in or outside of the Supernatural fandom say that the Winchesters are noble and heroic and shit. I mean, yeah, sure, they are, but they are also profoundly fucked up. One of my favorite parts of the show is that they've never backed down from showing how completely screwed in the head you'd have to be in order to live the life that they do and make the choices they've made. And I feel like this is pretty explicit in the show--John talks about how he screwed up Dean's childhood and made him grow up too fast, Dean blames his father for sacrificing his life for Dean's, but then sacrifices his life for Sam's anyway, and even as the brothers have more and more troubles with the angels and the apocalypse and fight, they grow even more codependent.

The show doesn't glamorize this. They're shown committing fraud, stealing things, dealing with their problems in unhealthy ways because they figure, hey, they're going to die anyway--this is all stuff the show routinely puts on the screen. And yet there are apparently segments of viewers that somehow manage to see them as positive role models (?), that the destructive cycle of self-sacrifice and self-denial is a good thing (??), and that the choices they make are the choices any good, wholesome people would make in their situation (???).

Okay, seriously. They started the fucking apocalypse. They've both done terrible things for any number of reasons. They've both given up the life they want in order to protect people who couldn't give a shit, and it's had predictable results on their worldviews. I really don't see how anyone could see this show as inspiring. This show is more depressing than Angel, and that is saying something. At this point, I'm honestly expecting the season to end with Lucifer winning and the end of the world. I mean, it always gets worse, and at this point, that's the only way it could.

Seriously, this show is not full of good role-models and healthy decisions. People need to stop acting like it is.

(Disclaimer: this is like my favorite show on tv right now. Probably says something about me. But anyway, I don't mean this stuff in a bad way. I don't know if I'd like it at all if things didn't suck and the characters didn't make the worst decisions in the history of decisions.)
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-03-11 10:39 pm

Settling into a groove

I had the best Crit Group experience tonight. It was just fantastic. We all have similar senses of humor, we get along well, overall everyone is a very good writer, and everyone takes criticism well. Honestly, it's like a dream. Tonight we ran late (almost an hour!) because we were so involved in talking about someone's story, offering suggestions, and making sure he knew what he was doing (he did when it came to the magic and the setting--mostly--but the characters had issues, and we spent a lot of time on that) that none of us even looked at a clock.

And even though we were pretty much tearing this guy's story apart, he was accepting the criticism, explaining things when we asked questions, and when someone offered alternatives or pointed out things that contradicted each other, he would explain how he would change it and what that would do to the rest of the story. Everyone so far has been about that wonderful at taking crit, too. I'm the only one whose story we haven't discussed yet, but I did send it around and the few comments I got on it were positive, which makes me feel pretty good. But of course, I've seen how the group works and offers crit, and man, this is a group I trust with my work.

This is also apparently a group I trust to give me a ride home, because since we ran late, I was concerned about the bus I needed still running, so the couple offered me a ride since my dorm is on their way. And I enjoyed the ride home, too--we talked about Iron Man, discussed the night's stories a little more, and the woman driving actually thanked me for sending my story out (!).

I feel like I have a lot of fun at these meetings, but I also learn a lot--and I feel like I'm helping the others out as well, and it's pretty fucking awesome.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-03-08 11:52 pm
Entry tags:

O noessssssss

So today, I went to test an outfit for tomorrow and put on a cute pleated skirt I rarely find occasion to wear, because it was small when I bought it and it's not worth the discomfort most days. I discovered it no longer fit even as well as it did the last time I wore it (several months ago), which means I must have gained a little weight or relocated it to my waist or whatever. I don't really care about this, because I'm still in a healthy range and I'm still attractive and everything, it just means that skirt (and probably a few others) don't fit and now I have to be rethink how I arrange my outfits (because I was not in fact imagining that my hips have gotten wider and that means the balance of half the things I wear is all off now).

ANYWAY I mentioned this (because I was a little disappointed about the skirt) to my roommate and a friend from down the hall, and the immediate reaction was "You should eat better!" and "Oh, you should work out with us in the morning!"

Um. I gained a few pounds, girls. Maybe a total of an inch around my waist, a little more than that on my hips and thighs. It's not a big deal.

If you're going to pretend you're concerned about my health, don't wait until I complain about not fitting into one item of clothing that I knew was too small when I bought it. Seriously, what the hell.

(In other news: body image! I'm more concerned about drinking less soda and remembering to brush my teeth than I am about having a flat stomach. Seriously now.) (I bet those girls would freak out to know I do not shave anything but my pits.)
queenofzan: (O rly?   Sammy!)
2010-02-23 12:36 am

Fact:

All work and hanging out with family members and no physical contact beside the occasional high-five is simply not feasible for me.

I felt like I was losing my mind.

My solution: more high-fives. Also playing with kids. Having a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old attacking me and beeping my nose was pretty much exactly the right cure. I mean, besides going out and jumping someone for guerrilla cuddles.

...Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty awesome, actually.

ANYWAY. I should be going to bed, because I have my costume class tomorrow morning, and we've finally started sewing. Have I mentioned that I love sewing? I do. Right now I am wearing a shirt I put together myself. It started life as a 3x NaNo shirt and one of my brother's old button-downs. It's now awesome and comfy and excellent for horsing around with kids in. Also for screaming at the television.

My life sounds really interesting with few details. As soon as I explain what I'm talking about, it kind of goes down the drain.

FINALLY: Today in my boring required English class I started writing a sci-fi story. I really hope I can finish it, because it is the sort of thing my dad would read, and honestly? It'd be pretty great to finish something.
queenofzan: (O rly?   Sammy!)
2010-02-11 10:29 pm

Writing Group

So, I just got back from my first meeting of the writing group that grew out of my area's NaNo community. It was interesting. I've never actually been part of a writing group before that was both real-life and made up of people who weren't my friends. They were all people I knew vaguely from write-ins and such in November, but no one I really knew, and so I was a little quieter than I might have otherwise been, when it came to speaking up and critiquing and such.

Overall, it was enjoyable, and I'm looking forward to the next meeting, two Thursdays from now. I managed to only spend five dollars even though we were at an IHOP, so I feel like I did good there. And there were only a total of six people there, three of whom I knew from write-ins and one of whom was me, so I didn't get as freaked-out-closed-mouth-stare-straight-ahead as I might have. I was definitely the youngest person there, though, and I felt like the most inexperienced, but that might not have been true. I just always get a little awkward when people start talking about how terrible they were when they were younger, and "when they were younger" invariably turns out to be about my age now. Oh well.

Just figured I'd write this up since it was what I missed out on a gazillion other things for--a Sleeping Beauty ballet, Volleyball, and a movie are just a few of the things people invited me to do on this particular Thursday, and I skipped all of them to go to the writing group. I feel like I made the better decision there (though I really wanted to go to Sleeping Beauty).

So, that was the big exciting part of my week. Next week I have my first few exams for this semester, and we start sewing in costume class. Hopefully I'll get some more work on Silver Chain done, and maaaaaaybe I will finish another writing comic.

/exciting posts
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-02-07 11:41 pm
Entry tags:

And now for something completely personal

I had a funny experience the other day. A cute girl who apparently lives on the third floor of my building invited me to a Bible study and said I and my roommate were welcome. I told her no thanks, and when she asked why, I told her Julie was Jewish and I wasn't really religious. She accepted that Julie was probably not interesting but told me it wasn't denominational or exclusive or anything, and it was totally cool if I believed in evolution or whatever I believed in (at this point she apologized for making assumptions because she had just met me but she wanted to make sure I knew I was welcome no matter what) and she'd leave me her card and number just in case. That was about two weeks ago. Thursday, she invited me to another Bible study session. She told me it was okay, I wouldn't be the only atheist there.

Somehow, my statement that I was not really religious turned me, in her mind, into an atheist.

I have to admit, I did lie to her. I told her I'm not really religious, which is only true in a technical sense. I spend a lot of time thinking about religion and my beliefs, and I believe in many things which are outside the realm of science and therefore supernatural. I honor enough irrational superstitions, I feel, to be termed religious.

Of course, I don't follow any larger organized religion--or even a smaller one. The closest thing I have to a "real" religion is Discordianism, which is really what I tell people so they stop trying to talk to me about religion. Honestly, saying "I'm not really religious" is intended to serve the same purpose: to get people to not ask me about religion.

The reason for this is very simple. I don't like talking about my religion or beliefs. I consider them to be the most personal things about me. I would feel less uncomfortable if someone wanted to discuss my bowel movements or genitalia. I literally cannot comprehend why people think it is more acceptable to ask me about the beliefs that form the foundation of my worldview and sense of self than it is to ask about bodily processes. I do not understand why it.

Because to me, questions of religion necessarily tie into questions about my entire outlook on life and sense of self. I don't feel like these things can be untangled from one another. Who I am informs how I view the world around me, which forms the basis of my beliefs, which influence my sense of self, and so on. Talking about any aspect of that, particularly to strangers or acquaintances who seem to think "What religion are you?" is appropriate small talk, makes me intensely uncomfortable.

But just because I dodge the question or bullshit an answer to get people to stop asking me doesn't mean I'm an atheist. Sure, I believe in evolution (and gravity, a heliocentric solar system, global warming, and the laws of physics), but neither I nor many others have a problem believing in both science and a higher power. Yes, I support gay marriage, freedom of choice, and equality for literally everyone, but that in no way makes me an atheist. I believe in chaos and Eris and free will and fate and that everything balances out in the end, and as far as I have been able to find, I don't match up with any religious organization out there. I don't see how that makes me an atheist or is anyone's business but mine.

And that is my problem, I think. I don't care what religion someone is. As long as it doesn't involve murdering dudes*, I do not care. And I don't understand why someone would care about mine, or why they would think my desire not to talk about it makes me an atheist.

*"murdering dudes" here refers to any behavior which impinges on another's rights

Also, yes, I have run up against all those assumptions, and I find I have an issue with this often enough for it to really freaking bother me. I don't have anything against atheism, but it bothers me that people so frequently assume you're either a Christian, a Jew, or a terrorist (because EVERYONE knows all Muslims are terrorists) because those are the ONLY RELIGIONS, and if you are not one of those, you are an atheist. Um. No.

In sum: leave me the hell alone and stop assuming you know everything about people. Oh my god. S.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-02-04 11:35 pm
Entry tags:

Blah blah no one cares

I hate it when my RL friends ask me for advice on writing. Not when they have some specific issue or something. But when it's a friend who thinks writing twenty pages of a story definitely means they're going to finish and publish this book and they might have to fix some punctuation errors or something and they ask "what I think"...

It's pretty uncomfortable for me. I mean, I know we all start somewhere, and that's where most of us start, but there are also a lot of people who get to that point and then never do anything with writing ever again. The friend in question in this case is kind of a flighty type in the first place, so I will believe his commitment to this story/writing when I see it.

But, like, I don't know what to say. My urge to constantly analyze things and talk about what makes writing good and point out flaws always fights with the knowledge that saying something too harsh to the wrong person can make that friendship awkward (or, depending on the person, nonexistent).

The problem in this case is that the key idea of the story really is quite good. It's interesting. There could be some interesting themes about fate and second chances and etc. It's the sort of idea where you hear it and you go, Ooh, I'd love to write that, except, you know, the person who came up with it is a good enough friend they'd call you on it and get pissed, and not good enough that you can ask to snag the idea.

I find I have this problem often enough to get very weary of it. I don't know how to tell people that the ability to put words in a row doesn't make them a writer, and while I applaud the effort, nineteen pages into a story (with many common beginner flaws and a slightly below average grasp of grammar) is a little early to be talking about publishing and the sequel you'll write.

THAT SAID, I did my best to be encouraging and compliment the idea behind the story and pointed out the most immediately fixable of its flaws (in this case, the flowery dialogue in a modern-day story) and to generally not be a bitch. But still. I feel like I ought to make up a sign. Something about not running a writing clinic. I don't know.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-01-31 12:52 am
Entry tags:

Best Night Ever

So tonight, I went to play Fugitive with what was largely my residential complex and a church group (?) because the cute girl upstairs (Jeanna) asked me to. My friend Lexi from down the hall came along, and we played through two rounds of that, which was fun, and then decided to get yogurt. So we walked to MoJo's, which was great, although I had to pay because she had left her wallet in her room. We're sitting there, eating delicious frozen yogurt, and we decide it would be great to go to the movies, although again, I would have to pay. So we got on the bus and saw When In Rome, which was a really cute rom-com, though the ending could have used a little tightening up. Then, since it was so late the buses had stopped running, my wonderful cousin [livejournal.com profile] monkeeness came to get us and drove us back to the dorm. While we waited, we played DDR and Pac-Man, and found an abandoned Harkins souvenir cup.

Perhaps here I should mention that I really like Lexi and if I ever did break up with Jesse I would totally go to Lexi. Which she offered tonight. Before she told me I was a terrific date.

So that is the story of my awesome accidental date with a girl who is definitely not my boyfriend.
queenofzan: (Default)
2010-01-20 08:57 pm
Entry tags:

New...School Semester Resolution?

I have recently come to realize that my principles and my actions disagree with each other in a major way. I have this ideology that shame is wrong and that people should be more open, and yet I purposely hold things back all the time because I'm afraid someone will form a bad opinion of me.

From now on, I will be doing my best to remedy this.